It's not affairs that break up marriages: It's the unfaithful spouse's inability to be honest about what happened and leave the affair behind them, says Caroline Madden, a Burbank, California-based marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery.
The betrayed spouse simply gave up trying when their husband or wife continued to be How to recover after cheating spouse, shady, and untrustworthy," said Madden, the author of Fool Me Once: If you're the partner who cheated, how do you prove to your spouse that you're committing to regaining their trust? Below, Madden and other experts share their best advice.
Be upfront with your spouse about the extent of the affair right from the start, said Madden. She's seen firsthand how damaging it can be when an unfaithful spouse withholds information after the initial confession.
The best approach, said Madden, is ripping off the Band-Aid all at once: Share vital details about the affair -- how long it lasted, what you told your affair partner about your marriage -- at the beginning so your spouse can decide if he or she can forgive "with eyes wide open. Answer every question your spouse has after you've come clean about the affair, said Michele Weiner-Davisa Boulder, Colorado-based therapist and the author of Divorce Busting: This period of increased accountability shouldn't last forever, but it proves you're committed How to recover after cheating spouse doing whatever it takes to get the relationship back on track.
It should go without saying that you need to break off contact with the other woman or man. But you also need to 'fess up if they reach out to you, said Madden. Because if you hide or delete evidence of that contact -- and your spouse finds out -- it will be a nuclear winter for your marriage," she said.
All the progress you made will be lost. Taking full responsibility for the affair also means getting tested for any sexually transmitted diseases you may have contracted, said Madden. If he or she gets tested, ask to go along as a gesture of support.
Hiding the affair took time, energy and attention away from your family. Now that it's over, go out of your way to show your spouse that you're ready to rededicate yourself to the marriage, whether that means attending couples counseling or spending more time with family. Forgiveness is not going to happen overnight.
Once you've admitted to cheating and you feel ready to move on, your spouse might continue to press you for answers about what happened. Be willing to
How to recover after cheating spouse the details of the affair, regardless of how difficult it might be for you, said Weiner-Davis. Know that you can acknowledge that shame and still be willing to put it aside so your partner knows their needs are paramount. Confessing and apologizing for your betrayal isn't enough; you need to take full ownership for the affair and be sincere in your efforts to make amends, said Weiner-Davis.
Genuine remorse is healing. And note that your spouse should be thanking you for
How to recover after cheating spouse that remorse.
Ultimately, your spouse has the final say in whether or not your affair is grounds to end the marriage. To prove that your relationship is worth saving, reconnect with your spouse in a meaningful way, said Gilchrest O'Neill. Time for just the two of you, with your phone turned off: Make eye contact, show positive body language.
You'll find that this is the kind of connection that sustains your relationship for the long haul. If you're the partner who's been cheated on, here's what experts say you should do after discovering the infidelity.
News Politics Entertainment Communities. Opinion HuffPost Personal Videos. Tattoo Artists Weigh How to recover after cheating spouse. Feeling More Gassy Than Usual? A weekly guide to improving all of the relationships in your life. More marriage experts agree that couples heal better after an affair if the adulterous spouse supplies all of the information requested by his or. Beyoncé's new album, Lemonade, heavily implies that her husband, Jay-Z, cheated on her—and that they've since moved on.
Experts explain. It's not affairs that break up marriages: It's the unfaithful spouse's inability to be honest marriage therapist who specializes in affair recovery.
Is it possible to...
Time for just the two of you, with your phone turned off: If you're the partner who cheated, how do you prove to your spouse that you're committing to regaining their trust? Forgiveness is not going to happen overnight. Reach out for help and support. Even if you go into this process with good communication skills, healing from an affair is going to tax your skills to the maximum.
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